StoryTellers’ Short Story Collection
By StoryTellers’ Club
My name is Jim and I am an arson committer. This is my confession. It all started that day my school burned down.
Police are trying to find me and arrest me. I just love watching the fire consume its path. I wish I could stop but I can’t. Humans are just too flammable. I’ve lost count of the bodies I’ve had to bury- I mean hide. I remember the number I’ve had to cremate thought – 12. Their cries of fear fill my heart with so much joy.
I still remember my first victim 20 years ago, it was my parents. It’s a special type of addiction becoming more and more impossible to stop, as I bury more and more bodies.
But I still love cats.
As I watched firefighters spray water on the burning flames, I feel a tingle of sadness. I always do my taxes and have such a good credit score. Perhaps if I keep on doing my taxes the government won’t come after me. Because they care more about the tax money then people’s lives.
At least with my money I can pay for all the stuff Mr. Mittens needs. I can finally pay for his golden dishes that he uses to eat his dead children. Although this is an effort to make Mr. Mittens as comfortable as possible before I do to him what I did to everyone else.
My ex-girlfriend is a bit suspicious of my actions but hasn’t noticed yet. But I know her suspicions will burn out soon. You know what they say, don’t call it arson, call it crime-brulee.
I do not support homophobic people. You may be wondering what this is… you will find out eventually. Muah-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
You should hear about the event in a month. And maybe will be on the news too, for you and your family are my next targets.
You might be wondering what this is… well officer this is my story in memory of Mr. Mittens, well… don’t worry, none worry none of this is true.
A duck went up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand. Hey bam, bam, bam, this is a stand up. The man said no and whipped out an uno reverse card. The duck grinned evilly as he pulled up another uno reverse card.
Then a bird flew down and stole both reverse cards. Next thing we know I’m confronting them. I proceed to take my two M80s and throw them at the birds and at the man running the store. Then I burned down the entire stall, after all they didn’t have any cat food.
How disappointing that they don’t sell cat food at a stall where they say they sell anything but cat food.
Meow.
“Oh hey it’s Mr. Mittens, back from the dead.”
And he has his dead goldfish pal with him. Mittens suddenly tripped and the dead goldfish landed on a pile of rubble. Luckily Mittens would love a nice crispy goldfish to eat.
Superman.
And the next thing you know, the magic school bus comes flying and crashes Superman. Superman is unfortunately long past his prime, and was taken out like that. Mr. Mittens then began to wonder if he was on catnip.
Ms. Frizzle walked out of the bus asking “who put a dent in my school bus,” and pulled out an AK-47 and pointed it at Mittens. Before Mittens could respond, Ms. Frizzle shot.
“You think you could kill me your foolish mortal, for I am Mittens the cat God!!”
“Well jokes on you, I don’t believe in God, I believe in our lord and savior Einstein. ” said Ms. Frizzle, as she turned the bus into a ballistic missile. Before any of them have a chance to retaliate a pipe pops out of the ground, and Mario appears carrying a mysterious bag.
Then a bird carefully dropped three skip cards, and they had to stay there randomly. And here comes Bill Nye the Russian Spy. And everyone surrounded Bill, and started chanting, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.
And then Bill Nye the Russian Spy dismantles the magic ballistic missile, and the class inside got much smaller. Meanwhile the duck was wondering around saying
“What about my nose. I’m very proud of my duck bill.”
And then the geese attack.
And everything goes black.
Jim and Bob
By: StoryTellers’ Club
Hi my name is Bob and I am a murderer. I stabbed every lady I saw.
I am a sexist. And a racist. And homophobic. I hate dogs. And people with disabilities. No wonder people hate me so much.
I love the cops. I love being controversal. Lord I need therapy. Now let me go not pay my taxes. And watch as the only thing I am sent to jail is not murder, but tax evasion. Governments have thier priorities striaght. And I can respect that.
One day I was walking down the street. He saw Mr. Biden walking down the street, and I am also agist. So I trampled, silently passed the secret service, and yeeted that boy down.
Now onto the vice president. Madam Harris person. Just as every lady before her, I jumped her in, to mend the hearts of the American people.
And here is why I love the police, those buddies helped me bury the bodies under the scruninous eye of the entire nation. And guess the best part, its under the whitey house. The police then make me president, because forget democracy. It was always meant to fall. Say hello to Dictatorship.
And then one day he runs into Jim. And dear lords. I hate that guy’s guts. This bisexual man trying to up me at my own game. Imagine that. I hate them gays. They tryna play both games, man and women. Like just pick an alley. I can’t have him taking both the men and the women when all I want is women. Like gods bro. Stop.
A man who’sidentity I hate so much because everything and everyone (except the cops, go officers!), wants to one up me. Corrupt cops are amazing. All the sports teams are replaced by corrupt cops. It is madness.
Oh my gods, that elon musk guy is such a moooooood. I love him. Twitter is now run by corrupt cops after I bribed Elon… well more like I threatened him to give it up. It ain’t illegal if its the government.
I then threatened him to give me alll the Teslas leaving him penniless (I am such a great friend). I also made a new religion, Corrupt Coptisisimn.
To gain more followers, I threaten to nuke the entire world. Corrupt Coptisisimn should rule the world. No more regular jobs, if society cannot run then it is easy to manipulate.
Jim… that damn Jim. Always one to burn up my plans. My plans always end up in smoke because of this fiery dude. This…rival of mine. First he stole all the nukes, by making a distraction fire one mile down the road. How an ordinary man did this, I will never know.
But this was no regular man… this was… JIM.
The mad arsonist who burned his cat and ex-girlfriend. And his highschool, and thousands of other kids. Man this guy is as demented as me. Then he burned down my house, the white house. Then he killed Elon. Then he burned down all of my Teslas. Then he re-established democracy.
Then I burned alive. I am writing this as I go up in flames. A true end to true tyrant.
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Table Of Contents
Check out other stories:
The Reviver’s Passage Chapter I
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