StoryTellers’ Short Story Collection
By: StoryTellers’ Club
“Mom, the home phone is ringing!” I yelled out from the living room.
“Well then go answer it!” said my mother.
I answered the phone. “Hello?”
“I finally found you guys,” a very scary voice said through the phone.
I screamed, “MOM!!!”
“Oh my god, WHAT? I’m trying to cook up a feast here, but here you are screaming because of god-knows-what!” My mom, frustrated, screeches.
“We might be under attack!“
“How the hell would you know that?” asked my mom. “You useless little child.”
I side-eye the kitchen where my mom is at.
“Because the city is being attacked,” I said nonchalantly.
“Guuuurl, that sounds like the plot of a crappy low-budget action movie. Be for real.” My cousin, who is sitting on the couch on her phone, says.
“Don’t you have eyes you idiot, look outside” I said in a tired voice. I pointed outside. My father, whose bottom is always glued to the couch and eyes glued to the TV, was watching the football game. He for once got off the couch to listen.
“You know what, I don’t think we’re going to invade the planet anymore,” the voice in the phone said. “Y’all are crazzyyyyy.”
“Uh…thank you? But please come up with a better insult. I’ve heard that too many times.” I say, dramatically fanning myself with my hands.
“Also we need something to spice up the world. World domination sounds like good fun. Please continue.” My cousin says, eyes still glued to the TikTok dance playing on her phone screen.
“It’s not fun now that you’re asking me to invade!” the voice said.
“Bruh it’s thanksgiving, I don’t feel thankful for anything. I’m too bored. My favorite soccer team is losing,” complained my dad, drinking his third beer while angrily cursing at the tv.
“And I am especially not thankful for the dry, bland, tasteless thing that we call a turkey a certain somebody makes every year.” My older brother, sitting across the couch from our cousin, says while eyeing the kitchen.
A mysterious pan suddenly flung from the kitchen, hitting my brother in the head. Who could’ve done that??? I have no idea…
“Well, why don’t you get off your butt and do something about it?!?!?!” Yelled a shrill female voice from the kitchen.
“Sure.” My older brother says. He gets off the couch, walks into the kitchen, opens the cabinet, grabs a handful of spices, and thrusts it on top of the kitchen countertop. “Here you go, mother dearest.”
“What in god’s name is wrong with you people? What is this species?” Exclaimed the alien from the speaker.
Just as the mother was angrily pouring in the spices, the roof collapsed.
My cousin flinches at the cold air that is suddenly rushing into the house.
“Bro I hate the cold,” she said, hands running over her arms and shoulders, while simultaneously shivering.
My older brother walks out the bathroom, unaware of what just happened. “That dump was nice and very much needed.” He walks into the living and is surprised by the chilling cold. “Why is it so cold in here? Someone turn on the heat—OH MY GOD.” He sees the collapsed roof and stares at it wide-eyed.
“Yeah so the world is being dominated by an alien species and they are currently talking with us through the home phone over there,” I informed him.
“Surrender your puny lives or else your father’s soccer team loses!” The alien said.
“Wait no! Take my daughter, I sacrifice her!” Said my father in stunned disbelief.
“WOW DAD. I thought you loved me.” I said, being disappointed by the people around me for the millionth time. I have so much to be thankful for, especially with this family.
“Just take her!” Yelled my mother as well.
“Come on guys. I’ve done so much for you and this is how you repay me?! I offer myself as a sacrifice so I don’t have to be with you people anymore!” I scream out impulsively.
“Wow, that is one messed up family. Are all human units like this?” Asked the alien after a long pause.
“No, this family just needs intensive group therapy.” I say bluntly.
“Maybe because someone cheated on me a few years ago!” My mother screamed out, staring daggers at my father.
“I don’t even like you anymore..I’m just staying with you for the kids’ sake.” he said, now drunk.
“Bro you tried to sacrifice me… what about the ‘kids’ sake’?” I said.
“You’re right, I was lying about that. The only reason why I’m staying with your mother is because we didn’t sign a pren-up when we got married and I don’t feel like having my assets being taken away from me.” My father says, not even trying to lie. “Also, she has a 100 inch TV. Of course I’m staying.”
“Wow dad,” said my older brother while sarcastically clapping loudly. “I hope my future wife is like neither of you Satans,” he said pointing to his parents.
“What makes you think you’ll get a wife when you pull zero bi*ches?” My cousin says.
“With this family, no one pulls anyone. Cuz aren’t you like bisexual? You’re playing for both teams and still losing,” I said.
“Just like how my soccer team is losing,” my father sighed.
My cousin went real quiet.
“Your team is always losing. You should find a new team to like.” My older brother says.
“That’s not what loyalty is…” my dad slammed his hand on the living room table while yelling.
“How would you know what loyalty is?” My mom says, putting down the plate of mashed potatoes on the dining room table.
“Well I know it real well. You just are not worth my loyalty.” He said.
“Y’all should’ve gotten divorced years ago.” I say, still holding the home phone with the alien on the other line. He’s gotten silent at this point, not knowing what to say.
“Ok, let’s get the divorce…. But I don’t want the kids. And I want the tv.” Said my dad.
“Technically, he’s 19 and I’m 18, so we’re just legal adults living in your house.” I say, the “he” I’m referring to being my older brother.
“Neither of you have any money to get a place. Broke people,” said my mother, while grabbing a pen and her phone ready to call the divorce agency.
“I’ll pay for you guys to move out,” the alien finally said from the phone. “I don’t think this is a healthy family at all…”
“Shoot, really? How much are you paying us?” I say, twirling my hair.
“Do you even have Earth money?” My brother asks.
“All I have to do is cut up some trees and then I will,” the alien said.
“Hey dude, you know that’s not how money works right? If that is the case, then money would be worthless.” My cousin says, finally saying something smart.
“I’ve been watching the government and it’s ALL LIES!!!! EVERYTHING!! ALL OF IT!!” the alien says. My father nods, agreeing with everything.
“The US government gives me a headache at this point.” My older brother says even though he knows nothing about politics.
“When was the government anything other than lies,” my mother said. “Besides how the hell do you know more about our government than we know ourselves?”
“Because you people have all been caught up in your own problems and trauma.” The alien replies.
“Whatever!” My dad exclaimed, changing the subject. “What about the money? How much will you pay?”
“I’m not giving anything to you, you lousy excuse for a father. Even alien fathers are better than you!” Yelled the alien.
“Really? I want an alien father then. Especially because I don’t even have a human one.” My cousin says, taking a sip of her tea. “ And my useless mother is nowhere to be found.”
“But it’s for my kids!!” My dad insisted, ignoring my cousin. “Not for me, I swear!” I side-eye him weirdly after he says that.
“Well, if you must know, it’s equivalent to the amount of money for 10,000,000,000 100-inch TVs,” the alien said.
“That is a bunch of bullcrap.” My cousin says. “I’m stupid and can’t see red flags in men (for some reason), but even I know that’s a lie.”
“100-inch TVs don’t exist,” I mumbled in agreement.
“Well, shut the f**k up. Give me that piece of shit now,” said my father, who believed him for reasons unknown.
“Dear daddy-o, you’re drunk. Drink some water for once instead of those…Heineken bottles.” I say, picking them up and throwing them into a garbage bag.
His stinky smelling feet were suddenly in my face. I fell back with the momentum. My brother reached out to catch me, even my idiotic cousin looked at me pityingly.
“Come on man…” my brother said sadly. “You can’t even bring yourself to wash your feet? Look at what you’ve done to your poor daughter.”
“My dearest brother, that man was ready to trade me to an alien who just seconds ago threatened to destroy the earth just for his team to finally win.” I reasoned.
“Ew, he doesn’t wash his feet?” My cousin looked at the feet. She slowly moved away.
“Yes and do not come any closer to him. You might pass out from the stench.” I say, holding my hands in front of her as a way of stopping her.
“He’s a hazard to the environment at this point,” my cousin said. “Just like how toxic this family is.”
“The stench of his feet may even be radioactive. Watch out y’all.” My brother says, covering his mouth and nose.
“At this point, I don’t know if I really want to destroy the human race, or figure out how to improve it. What do you think, my horribly abused children?” Asked the alien, in a surprisingly gentle tone.
“NO BRUH. Destroy the human race. If you try to improve us, we might end up causing more problems for you.” I say immediately, whipping my head around to face the phone.
“Wow, you’re thinking of me and my people?… I don’t know what to say.” said the alien.
“YES BECAUSE I WANT TO SPARE YOU THE TROUBLE OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH US. IF HUMANS CAN’T DEAL WITH HUMANS, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN?” I yell out.
“You know what… I’m taking your advice and going back to my original plan. I am destroying the human race.”
I get down on my knees and bow to the floor, with my arms outstretched and touching the floor. “Thank you. You are my savior. Remember that I am appreciative of you forever.”
“But before I do that, please step out of your house. I want to take you with me. Leaving you three would be cruel!” He said.
“Oh.” I say, disappointed.
“To be fair, I think living on an alien planet would be cool.” My older brother says, looking at me and our cousin. “We should go.”
“Sounds better than dying,” said my cousin, “Let me grab my stuff and let’s fly to the moon.”
“Uh, we don’t live on the moon.” The alien corrects my cousin.
“Oh, ok. Just take us.” She said, dragging her bag outside.
“Wait, give me some time to pack my stuff first. I don’t want to leave my favorite stuffed toy here.” I say.
My cousin gives me the weirdest look on Earth. “You mean the one your toxic cheating red flag ex gave you?! Why do you still have it? Throw it away!”
“I can fix him I swear,” I said. “I just need to call him up and talk it out with him.”
“Girl we are heading for outer space, you’ve got no second chances. Maybe you’ll meet a better alien man on their world.”
“Oh you certainly will. I’ll get you a really good boyfriend,” said the alien on the phone.
“Argh,” I said. “Fine. But Marcus was so cute…”
“Be smart bruh,” admonished my brother.
And so we all packed our stuff and joined with the aliens. Green skinned aliens. They welcomed us aboard, and gave us a front row view of earth being lasered. Ah good times. But better times are going to come. I am truly thankful for the end of humanity this Thanksgiving day.
Table Of Contents
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The Reviver’s Passage Chapter I
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