The Reviver’s Passage: Chapter XIX
By: Prappies
The first thing I remember was kneeling before my father. I remember this because my father has these really hard stone floors in his throne room. It dug into my bones, scratching away at my skin despite me wearing a long robe.
My head hung low, my eyes pierced the ground. This is the tradition at my father’s palace. Bow so low that the only thing in your line of sight would be the single colored floor. The tiles were dark grey in color.
Behind me, standing somewhere far back from me, were the two of my brothers you are familiar with now: Animus and Avaricious.
They were as curious as my father as to the details of my plan. They had not been invited to the meeting, they just made themselves present. My father paid them no mind.
Next to my father was his favorite son. The only brother of mine you have yet to meet: Sin. Sin stood next to his throne. Much like that of an honored and favored apprentice, learning from his master and assisting his master in whatever it be he needs. He was a boot-licker. He was like a dog who licked the face of his owner, wanting favor, treats, and praise. Bastard is he.
My father sat on his throne, hand under his beard, as he looked down at me. His wrinkled face scrunched up at the proposal I had laid at his feet not even seconds ago, or so that’s what Animus had told me. I was looking at the ground after all. Whether it was surprise or thoughtfulness, I do not know. His silence holds many meanings.
He spoke slowly, as if testing the waters of my plan. Wondering if he had understood exactly what I had meant to say. But he said it so informally I was beginning to assume he had been surprised by my proposition.
“Spread chaos amongst men?” His voice took a higher pitch at the end of his question. I looked up only slightly, now looking at his black boots. One boot was pointing straight at me, and the other pointing diagonally at an angle away from me. The one pointing at me was tapping incessantly against the rock floor. I decided that that was the correct time to speak my reply.
“Yes. Man has gotten too arrogant, thinking they are better than us. Wishing for more than they should. They forget who truly has the power in the relationship between us and them. I believe we need to give them a little reminder. What better way is there to do it?” were the words that I chose to speak.
Now as I tell you this story, I know that my actions were guided more by greed and dislike for man. Thinking back on it now I almost laugh thinking how my hate and greed for humans and dislike for them was greater than that of Animus and Avaricious’s.
I was a god, looking down at a man who was flourishing so neatly and nicely. Crops grew, people gained wealth, they ate, they sang, they laughed. Yet they forgot about us. We, who reigned over them like a malignant ruler. We were the gods of ill things, but we were still gods who wanted respect. These men gave us none of that.
So I wanted to remind them of who we were. I wanted to reign havoc, destroy their crops, take away their wealth, take away their food, song, and joy. Just to remind them that we are all powerful. Foolish wasn’t I? Wanting to harm your people over something as petty as that. That was me then, and I hope it is not me now. But the “me” is not why I am here telling you this story. Allow me to continue.
Back to the throne hall, and its black gritty floors. I knelt, as my father thought over my proposal. If it worked, man would have more respect for us… but if it didn’t… man may be weak on his own but if they were to band together… even we may suffer.
My brother Sin on the other hand had no shame. He had fallen in love with my proposal. He was gushing to my father to take the deal. Hand on my father’s broad shoulder, squeezing it tight as he listed everything good he could think up about this plan. Unlike my father I knew how Sin would react. My brothers were open books.
I knew I would find an ally in Sin, who proved me right by giving my father ideas and benefits even I had not thought of before presenting my proposal.
Animus and Avaricious on the other hand were standing in the darkness of the room, far from the lights. I could barely make out their figure when I lifted my head and turned to look. Their black robes camouflaged them into the unlit section of the room. They were muttering to each other in soft voices, I could not hear what they were speaking of exactly.
But I understood their tone. I could see their heads move occasionally towards me. Their tone was disapproving, against my proposal.
This I had also known. I had known as soon as I had come up with the idea of my proposal, that I would find no ally in these two of my brothers.
As I said not even minutes before, my father favored Sin out of all four of his sons. He favored Sin far above me, Avaricious, and Animus. His eyes darted back and forth between Sin, and me, and my two brothers in the shadows. His eyes thinned at the sight of them speaking disapproval. He looked back to me thoughtfully, but still neutrally as I was not his favorite son. And finally back to Sin, to whom his eyes softened as he listened to what he had to say.
Having Sin on my side was pure luck, had he been against me then father would have thrown my idea out the window almost immediately.
Perhaps there is a world where he had adamantly been against my idea, then the mess we would be in would never be. But that is another another world, and this is this world.
From Sin’s coaxing, my father agreed. My plan was set in motion, and now all I had to do was go over the specifics with Sin. Animus and Avaricious sent my father a look of disagreement, but other than that they remained silent. They quieted their quarrels.
For all my dislikes regarding my brother, I forced myself to sit down and speak with him one on one. We thought up of grander plans, and tore them back down, and stitched them back together with new ideas.
Sin was very happy, he took in my ideas with much gusto as he wrote it down on his palm. His own ideas were barbaric and violent. I had been very pleased that the brother I disliked so much, was the one who understood me most on this matter.
When the plans were set, we shook our hands and were ready.
Let me tell you the plan we had come up with: Both of us would go to the overworld, the land of men to spread our specific evil on them. Sin would spread sin, and I would spread the evil I commanded. I will not tell you which evil it is because I still want you to guess it. We would wander around the world or stick in one place for the duration of 10 years. And our special evil would be spread.
You are not familiar with our rules, but the rules of the underworld that in order for our powers to have any sort of effect on the overworld we must be in the overworld. We could move or stay in one place, it doesn’t matter. But we must be in the overworld. So that is why we left for the overworld.
Sin and I went to different places at once. I chose to wander around Earth, going from place to place. I wanted to see how my work affected people from all over. This was the first phase of the plan. Stirring up the evils in people’s hearts.
It was only 5 years into the plan when I met an old man. A sweet old man whom I had quickly gained a severe abhorrence to.
I remember walking the streets of this filthy little town looking at all the misery I had put upon them all. Hunger, despair, yearning, want, sadness… my evil catapulted all these evils. My one evil, mixed with sin. I could not be more happier to see man kneeling over in defeat.
The children were gaunt, and the adults ruthless. People attacking and hurting each other over small things like food and clean water. The children watched from afar knowing none of that food or water would reach them. They would find better luck in scavenging the barren soils for plants to eat, of which they would never find.
But watching from the patio of his shop was an old man. His eyes followed the men fighting, kicking, and poking one another. His own stalls were almost empty, save for the rotten apple or banana in it. They would probably sell eventually, the hungry had to eat whatever they could.
But what got my attention was the bliss on his face. He seemed so calm and undisturbed with the events around him. He sat on his chair, head slightly backwards. Listening to the yells and the screams. But he was smiling slowly and softly. I was dumbfounded.
I had to know his reason. I presumed he was a senile old man, but the smile on his lips and the glint in his eyes held an emotion no senile old man would have. I decided to push away my stunned thoughts and go up and ask him myself.
Little did I know that this would be the conversation where I would learn more and more about humans. I would change my thoughts on mankind
“Grandfather, what are you doing?” I stood in front of him, hands folded in front of me.
The old man did not turn to look at me immediately. The men fighting had gotten a little more violent, and the crowd a little more thicker. His eyes strained to see what was going on, darting around to see if there were any cracks in the crowd so he could see what was going on. When he deemed there to be none, he turned to me… finally.
My annoyance was at its highest point. How dare this man ignore me? Of course he didn’t know I was a god, as I foolishly know now, but when you are as arrogant as I was back then, the smallest of things tick you off.
The old man sat up a little straighter when he saw me, his hand struck out to grab his stick which was laying next to his chair. He adjusted himself properly before finally turning to me. He was smiling. He folded his hands and laid them to rest on his lap.
“Hello good sir. How can I be of help to you?” the old man’s eyes crinkled.
“You look very delighted sir. Watching the crowd fight each other and get at one another’s throats. How could that be?” I had asked.
At this, the old man looked confused. His brow knit, and his lips curled downwards in a grimace “I am not delighted at their fighting. Why would I be happy to see them fight?”
“You’re smiling sir.” I said.
“A smile is not always a good thing son.” I saw a man getting slammed into the ground from the corner of my eye. The crowd egging him on, some new men had joined in.
“How can that be?” Despite having spent time around humans for so long, I had never really interacted with them. Me and Sin had very different ways of going about our job: I chose to stand to the side and blend in with the crowd, while he chose to mingle with the ungrateful savages. This conversation was one of the few I had actively participated in.
“Well…” the old man trailed off for a few seconds before speaking. “I suppose I was reminiscing on what could’ve been. On what had been before all this bad luck.”
“Is that so?” I asked, while taking the chance to walk a little closer to him. I put my foot on the step to his store veranda, and pushed myself up. When I got to the last step, the old man peered at me, slightly confused. But he regarded me warmly nonetheless.
“Are you new to town son?” He asked, he pushed himself up from the seat. Taking the walking stick next to his chair for support. He leaned half his weight on the stick, his leg next to the stick standing up straight, while his other legs hung more loosely. Not much weight was pushed onto that leg.
“I am sir.” I had answered honestly.
“Where do you come from? I may not know everyone in this village, but I can tell a new face when I see one. You carry yourself in a way much like how most travelers do.”
I frowned, taken by surprise. “How so?” I pressed forward. What an odd senile man. He tickled my curiosity in a way it hadn’t been tickled before.
“You carry yourself warily. You watch the fight from afar, not wanting to get involved directly, while the village residents go closer to take a look or get involved themselves. You come up to me with a voice so gentle that you could never be one of those rowdies.” he pointed to the crowd which had begun to simmer down.
The men who had been in the fight were slowly dispersing, nursing bruised jaws and broken legs. Dragging themselves away from the center of attention. A couple of the really unlucky ones were plastered on the ground. Holding their face in their hands, groaning from immense pain. No one stopped to help them up.
I gave a small smile back to the man, after returning my attention to him.
“Well I suppose that is a good point sir. I do try to keep myself away from unnecessary trouble.”
“You are a smart man then.” the old man complimented. “Would you like to come inside and have a cup of tea? I do not have much to give, but you seem to make a fine conversation partner. I do not quite want to stop now.”
I agreed. The man led the way as he opened his store door, I followed him inside, thanking him as he held the door open for me.
The store had clearly seen better days. Between the paint chipping away at its walls, to the cobwebs forming in its crevices. What a filthy state a shop meant to house food was in now. But that wasn’t of much importance to me.
The old man excused himself to go make some tea. He walked to the front of the store, not far from me, and reached into one of the upper cabinets. The cabinet was too tall for him, so it took him a few attempts to reach. I did not offer any help.
When he managed to grab whatever he had been reaching for, I noticed it was 2 small metal glasses. From inside the cups he took out two small tea bags, he placed them on the counter. He took the cups and filled them to the brim with water, from a large pot. When he was done, he opened the tea bag packets and placed them in each of them. He gave them a stir, and brought one to me.
I gave a nod of acknowledgment, and watched as he went back to get his own cup from the shop counter. When he had come back, he took a seat at a small table in the middle of the shop, I took a seat across from him.
We sat blowing on our teas for a few minutes. He sounded like a dog that had been stabbed and skewered, the last of its breaths going in and out of its body in a jarring sort of way. I blew my tea with a little more grace.
When the old man took a sip, I took a sip. A look of bliss passed through his ugly face as the hot tea fell down his throat. The tea was mediocre at most, nothing too great. But when a pauper is given something mediocre for the first time in his life, mediocrity would be defined as excellence in his eyes.
I decided to start the conversation. I wanted to hear the effects of my hard work from the damned sinners themselves.“How has this town been sir? The children are lanky and dying, the adults are greedy, violent and cruel. At least that is what it seems to me.”
I expected a dreary response, one that screamed and cried at the denial of good by the gods. I got a dreary response, but not one of which I had expected.
“Yes, the town is in a bleak state right now.” conceded the old man. “Not much different from the other towns of the area though. And much further than that so I have heard.”
“Is that so,” I replied, trying to keep any evidence of my satisfaction and glee at bay. I tilted my head into my hand, spinning the tea water around in its cup.
“Yes,” said the old man, taking a sip. He gave me a side eye. “Afflictions of many kinds have disturbed our peace. For whatever reason it is.”
“You do not know what caused it?”
The old man laughed. Then promptly choked on his own laugh. Hiding his face in his elbow sleeve, he coughed out the remainder of his laugh. I watched, saying nothing, but silently hoping he didn’t die just yet since he seemed to have many interesting things to tell me.
“Of course not boy,” the old man said after recollecting himself. “There is a reason for this sudden downturn of events, but no one knows why. Some say it could be the gods angry with us for whatever reason.”
What he of course did not know, was that that was closer to the truth than he would ever know.
“I see,” I replied plainly. Then I asked the question that I had been itching to ask since I walked into this dilapidated mess of a building. “How does it make you feel?”
The old man frowned at me, his face creasing into an ugly expression. “What do you mean boy?”
I ignored the demeaning tone, and rephrased my question.
“I mean, what do you feel when you see all this suffering and sadness? I’m guessing you don’t feel ambivalent towards it all.”
“Ah,” the old man said, leaning back on his chair before answering. “I feel sad of course. None of this is right. We humans can be cruel beings, but that is the small few of us.”
I snorted internally. The arrogance of man, thinking they were innocent despite all they have done.
For some reason, as soon as those thoughts passed through my mind, I decided to look up into his eyes. And there, I saw a few things. Sadness, somberness, a look of pity. But when I looked a little closer, I saw something else I could not quite understand.
“But it will all come to pass one day. So I will not fret over it for long,” he said.
And after the old man said that, he took a sip of his horrible tea. As if he did not drop a revelation of an idea to me.
“It will come to pass?” I questioned. I raised my head up, this was not an answer I had come to expect.
“Of course,” continued the man after swallowing his tea. “Nothing is meant to last. The good of life, and the bad. It will all balance out eventually, with good tipping the scales just a bit more than the bad. Right now the bad is weighing us down heavily, that the good seems to have no power on the weight. But one day, that will change. And I will wait patiently for that day. Like so many others. We will wait. And so will you, my boy.”
This time, the man had not spoken the word “boy” as if he was looking down at him. As if this younger man was too inexperienced to be worth his time. But he said it in a kinder, fonder way.
It did not warm me up of course, I was the arrogant foolish one there. A single act of kindness would have gone over my head at that time.
But as soon as he said those words, I felt a change somewhere in me. I do not know what it was, then or now. But, the old man had lit a spark, a spark still waiting to go off. And I just didn’t know it.
“So you do not think we…” I grimaced as I included myself in the conversation. “Do not deserve this punishment from the gods?”
“Hm partly,” said the old man ambiguously. “Some people do deserve their wrath, and every little bit of said wrath. Most deserve a little punishment though. Maybe they were rude to another human, maybe they commited another small misgrievance. But very few deserve all this suffering.”
I did not agree. “But there is no such person who deserves no punishment. Humans are inherently evil people. There is no such thing as a pure human. Every human in bad.”
“You’re a pessimist aren’t you son?” Jokes the old man. “Certainly there is evil in everyone. You will find no person alive or dead with no evil in them. But for the vast majority of those people, we have our good to counterbalance it.”
I snorted. The old man took notice.
“What is it you have to say now son?” He asked. “When you walk around the world, you are more likely to find a good person than a bad one.”
I laughed a little louder. “Humans are inherently selfish creatures. They want and they will take. They will think of nothing except themselves. I truly do not think humans have any good in them.”
“You act as if you have never talked to another human being before me son. Such pessimistic thoughts can only stem from a loner.”
I quickly found myself clenching my fists in the table. The old man’s gaze fell to my fist, rather unbothered.
“Are you insulting me,” I said with as much calmness as I could muster. “Sir?” I spat out.
“Not at all son,” the old man said. “I’m just saying my thoughts on a subject. And you are giving you own thoughts on the matter, opinions I disagree with. I would like to hear more about your opinions though. Never before had I heard a man with such, cynical thoughts.”
“What do you want to hear of my opinions?” I asked. I leaned my head on my hand, covering my face with my fingers.
“Everything,” said the old man. “I want to hear the why’s, the what’s, the how’s, maybe even the where’s if there is one. Tell me it all.”
“Well ok,” I said, I sat up a little straighter. I was a god, who had just been told he was wrong. My pride had been hurt, and so I was fully prepared to prove him that no, he was the one that was wrong.
When you are an immortal like me Hestia, there is little we own that will last forever. So when something we do have for eternity, like pride, we hold onto it very dearly. We do not allow just anyone come and break it up, or put us down. Our pride is part of our honor. We must protect it.
At least that was my thought process back then. Now, I know I was just a douche. Pride is nothing to me now. I am just saying that so you don’t think too badly of the now me.
“When are humans not selfish?” I asked.
“We always are selfish,” he said, fully agreeing with my point.
This was not something I had expected.
“But is it truly a bad thing?” he continued on. “We can’t have the good without the bad. And the bad without the good.”
“To be selfish?” I asked, my pitch had taken a higher tone to it. I stared at the man like he had grown a second head. “Of course, to be selfish is the worst sin of all.”
“I can name more sins evil than selfishness. Like hatred, or cruelty. Selfishness can be helpful sometimes. Humanity would not have conquered the heights it has had it not been for selfishness. The feeling that we have to be something more. We would not have invented the things we did, something we often did for money. No selfishness is not inherently bad.”
“Ok,” I had spoken. As he spoke in an eloquent way I had not expected of the man, I knew my stance on human selfishness would not sway him. So, I decided to build off the ideas he gave me.
“But humans hate, and they are cruel. Does that not make us worthy … or in this case deserving of divine punishment?”
“A small margin of people, as I said before yes. But still, my stance that the vast majority of people do not deserve punishment still stands the same as 4 minutes ago. Most people have done plenty of bad in their lives, but most people have done little evil in their lives that necessitate this kind of suffering.”
“It seems we are still at a crossroads sir,” I said.
“We are son,” the old man said. He spun his hand in an odd gesture. I did not know what to make of it. Perhaps it was just something he did while in conversation. “And I still have yet to hear a proper argument for your case. All you say is that humans are evil. That all humans are evil. Prove me wrong.”
I was haughty, so once more, thinking that I was smarter and better than him, I spat his words back to his face.
“And you keep saying most humans are not sinful, not evil or selfish. Yet you make no argument for YOUR own case.”
But he wiped his face clean of my words with words of his own.
“I am not trying to convince you son. I am just saying my thoughts on a subject you are trying so hard to convince me of.”
I scowled at the man. He just smiled back at me.
“There is evil in this world old man. People do not care for each other. They think that they are better than the gods themselves. They have shown arrogance and selfishness in everything they do every waking hour of their lives. They have gone against the wishes of the gods, and for that they must be punished.”
“So you are angry because they are not following the words of the gods?” the old man asked. “What have humans done that are against these wills of the ‘gods’?”
“They have put themselves first before anybody else. They scorn the gods, and scorn other people. Humans do not care for anything but themselves. They have lost the way the gods have asked them to take.”
“How do you know humans are selfish?” Asked the old man.
“Did you not see those men start a fight outside your house?!” I got up from my chair, and leaned on the table, pushing the chair backwards. It toppled onto the floor with a thud. But the old man’s eyes were on mine, and my eyes were on his. “They fought each other like savages. Worse than savages those men. Selfishness began their ruination, and selfishness will be the reason for their complete ruin-“
“How often do you talk to others, son?”
I paused mid rant and stared at him. My finger was as in his face, hovering over the space between his eyes. I think I would’ve poked him hard had he not spoken to me to silence.
“What?” I sputtered out completely flabbergasted.
“Talked, communicated, spoken to, socialized with,” he clarified. His eyes held a mirth to them. I’m sure he was mocking me. But I was too confused at his outburst to feel any indignation at his mockery.
“Of course not.” I picked my chair back up, and fell down upon it. It creaked with my sudden weight falling on it.
“You are a vagabond are you not?”
“Yes, I have spent many years traveling alone. I suppose you could call me a vagabond.”
“And you hardly converse with other humans? Do you just walk around town to town and ignore the people there?” Now it was the old man’s turn to look flabbergasted.
“I see no point. Humans are unkind and selfish. It would do me no good to talk to them.” I argued back. The old man looked unconvinced.
“So you believe humans are disgusting, selfish, lowlife creatures by just looking at them?”
“Do, do you not see the fights they begin?” I asked, perplexed. The men were fighting fists to jaws over who knows what. A creature prone to get into a fight that quickly deserves no kindness.
“Ok but what were the reasons behind their fight?” Asked the old man. “Did you know the answer to that one key question before scorning them?” He enunciated the word “scorned” as if it would change my thinking.
It didn’t. At Least not that word in particular.
“No,” I answered a little softer. “But fighting has no excuses.”
“Hmmmm,” the old man sipped the last of his tea. “Sometimes there is a legitimate reason for starting or engaging in a fight”
“Like what? Pride? Say pride and you’ll just confirm my thoughts.”
“Safety? Feeding one’s family? Yes fighting over resources can be… lowlife… but people have children to feed. And many times they do not care what it takes?”
I raised my eyebrow. Not completely convinced.
“Ok look here. Talk to people. Don’t make guesses from looking at them, looks are often deceiving. Talk to them and get to learn their thoughts, not just their actions.”
The old man reached to grab my forearm. I pulled back from him. I scoffed not for the first time since we had begun our conversation.
“You think talking to them all will change my mind? My brother talks to them all the time and tells me continuously,” this time I enunciated my words, “of the vileness of man.”
“You have a brother?” Questioned the old man, his voice took a higher pitched tone to it as he spoke.
“…Yes…”
“And you don’t travel with him?”
“We have different goals and wishes.” I quickly said. “We exchange letters.”
“And you eat the words of a man far away from you?”
“He is my brother…” I snarled at him. “Are you saying I should not trust him?”
“No,” the old man said. “You should trust your brother. But not blindly. You should take his words as a possibility. Not as a concrete fact. You need to learn the facts with your own eyes. Trust your brother yes, but trust your own experiences first. Talk to people yourself, and learn if his words are true or false. Trust not someone’s looks, or the words of a biased man. But someone’s character through their actions. Talk to people, then decide.”
“Are you ordering me?” The old man must’ve realized my voice had been bordering on a dangerous tone, as was my intent. But he did not look fearful. He raised his hands in a mock surrender.
“I am merely giving you an idea for betterment. It is up to you whether you take it up or not. But do give it a chance dear boy. I would hate a young man like you be blinded by ideals and ideas that can be prevented.”
I sat silent. I did not know how to react or what to say. His voice spoke like a soft lullaby, imploring a child to do something else. Encouraging, not yelling or forcing. Even a god like me found his way of words alluring. A god who despises men.
So to my surprise. I accepted his proposal. Not with a full heart of course, a halfhearted acceptance at best. Maybe I was curious as to whether he was correct over my brother. Maybe somewhere somehow I suspected he was right.
And maybe he was one of those good humans he spoke so kindly of.
Or maybe it was a mix of both.
“Alright,” I said, sighing. “I’ll see if your words hold any merit.”
The old man smiled real wide. I could see the gums below his top and bottom jaw.
“I’m sure they will.”
I turned around to look outside. The outside world was peaceful again. It was loud, very loud. People continued with their lives as if the fight outside had never occurred. I don’t even remember when the two men had stopped fighting.
And the world outside the old man’s window showed no evidence that it ever existed.
“Are you leaving soon?” Asked the old man. His voice was still as soft as a lullaby.
“I see no reason to stay in this town any longer.” I answered honestly.
“Then I wish you the very best on the rest of your journey.” The old man reached his hand out to me.
I looked at him oddly, trying to gouge any reaction other than the unnecessarily wise and kind man he had been to me this entire time. I saw no deception in his eyes. My last chance at finding a reason, even a small reason, to throw out his suggestion was gone.
I gave up, and decided I would see what happens.
I got out of my chair and shook the old man’s hand. His fingers were like thin snakes as they wrapped around my palm, their squeeze on the other hand was far weaker than that of a snake’s bite. Much much less. He saw me out, opening the door for me and waved me off.
He shut the door.
I never saw him again
His words did not have an immediate effect on me of course. It takes a while for long lasting prejudice to release its grasp on a being. I’m sure you know this as well as any man Hestia. I was unbelieving of his words as I took those first few steps off his veranda.
And I walked through the street.
As I left the town
And as I made my way over to the next town over.
But I do think that the words of the eccentric old man definitely forced me to think, it made me curious. And so I decided to take his advice. I remember beginning to look just a little closer to man. Looking past their oddities and violences, looking past the rotten apples and looking towards the sweet fruit still on the tree.
And as I began to come out of my seclusion, the old man’s rambles suddenly didn’t seem like incoherent ramblings any more.
The first lady that had made me pause to think smelled of flowers. Whether she had perfume on her or not, I do not know. But its smell was nice. Jasmine to be exact. I stood close to her as she talked to me. She welcomed me warmly into her house. Her husband and her were ready to receive me, a stranger, with open arms. They gave me what little food they had on stock. They listened to the tales of my travels with much gusto, and offered me a place to spend the night.
And when morning came, I departed with a semblance of tranquility in my soul, and my hands filled with whatever food the poor couple could spare.
And as I began to interact more with the lost and the broken, I began to learn more.
Those tired, thin, boney children would pull me into a game of ball when they saw me pass the ball back at them with what they perceived as innate talent.
I played with them for hours.
Different from the scene I had seen in the old man’s town, a baker passed out small bread to the hungry children. He hugged and kissed them on the heads, reminiscent of that of a loving father.
People still smiled despite their circumstances, laughing loudly at something someone they loved said.
Or even when the thief I had caught stealing food spoke to me in such a bright tone. His children were sick and frail, and he knew the money would help save them. He spoke as if he knew for certain that his children, who I got were sitting on the lap of death themselves, would be able to pull themselves out of their sickness. No worry for the alternate scenario, not even a single thought on that scenario. He was so convinced that his children would be fine.
The people had hope in their eyes. This had been something I had never expected, and it captivated me. It had been a slow process, but my mind had turned. My heart was no longer in the mission I had assigned myself years before.
The old man’s ramblings transformed from an untrue oddity to a reality I believed was possible.
And so, I found myself kneeling before my father, long before the official end of my mission, to talk him out of my foolish plan.
My main adversary had been Sin, who had come running when he learned of what I planned to do. I heard his footsteps slamming against the rock floor before I saw him. I looked up just before he came to me.
He moved to stand in front me, his cloak and long hair spun with the motion, wrapping around his body and face for a split second before falling back down. The tips of his cloak fell to his feet, and his hair slid down his chest.
“What are you doing?” he hissed, looking down at me. I remember feeling drops of spit hitting my face, one droplet hit my nose, another my cheek, and a third hit the corner of my mouth. It took everything in me not to flinch in disgust
“My mind has been changed.” I said plainly, I looked straight into his eyes. An interesting green they were, not quite like Animus or Avaricious’s, but a calmer color of green, mixed with a different color. Different from their hard color of green.
“Changed?” He spat out as if I had just spoke the most unbelievable words he had ever heard in his life. “You’ve changed???”
“Yes brother, I have come here with the idea that not all of humanity is worthless. There are a few people I have met that were kind to me. I do not think we should punish the minority for the actions of the majority.
“So you agree that most humans are horrendous vile beings?” Asked Sin.
“Hmmm yes I do. I have seen a lot of savagery on my travels. But I’ve seen kind people as well. Punishing all is not the best idea. We should not starve, and torture everyone. Just the bad.”
“We should starve and torture everyone… because you have been fooled. There is no good human.”
“Well,” I tried again. “There are good people.”
“Ok let’s say there are good people. How can we find the 1 in billions and just not punish them? There is too few people for the actions you call for to make sense.”
“That’s why we call off this entire operation. We cannot punish the few innocent and harmless because of the bad.”
“It’s just a few people.” Sin’s fingers pressed into my shoulder. His anger showing on his face and through his actions.
“We would be no better than them brother. We should aim to better, not like them.”
“How dare,” Sin raised his fist as if to punch me. “You call me ‘like them?’”
“Becuase your actions are reminiscent of the behavior you believe all humans have.”
“You-“ I was sure Sin was going to hit me if it hadn’t been for our father.
“Enough Sin.” My father commanded. He did not yell, his voice was raised only slightly. Yet the authority in his voice was clear.
For all of Sin’s special treatment from father, even he did not dare go against his wishes.
Sin backed down, and sat beside me. His eyes stared into mine from the position he sat.
“Son,” my father turned his attention away from Sin, and addressed me straight up. “Tell me why you think we should stop this operation. An operation which was your idea after all.”
“Yes father,” I bowed my head a little deeper. But just before I could begin my tale about the old man, as well as the events of humans after that, my father’s doors opened once more.
Avaricious and Animus entered, they stopped a bit away from where I was kneeling. I saw them look at me, their expressions impassive. But still, they looked at me with expectations.
They knew I had arrived and for what reason.
And they too were curious to hear my whys.
So I turned back to my father and began my tale. I told him of the old man, his words and his thoughts. I told them of his proposal which I agreed to reluctantly.
Then I told them of the curious people I had met on my journey. The woman who smelled of jasmine, the scrawny kids, the fatherly baker, and the optimistic father.
I was honest in my feelings Hestia. I did not show these people as less than they were to me, or even more than they were. My tongue dripped no false venom or honey.
When I was finished, I turned to Sin to see the enraged face I knew I would see. I turned to my father who regarded unemotionally.
I had expected that as well.
But when I turned to my two other brothers from the sidelines. Their expressions had changed. I could’ve sworn I had seen a small smile on both of their faces. Maybe I am delusional. But blame me not for wanting some sort of ally in my adventure, even if the allies were imaginary.
Silence rung throughout the throne room as I finished my tale. No one moved, not even I. There was no cackling of a fire, or drag of a foot. Just utter silence so powerful if I had been a lesser man I would’ve thought I went deaf.
“I do not believe you.” Said my father.
My dear Hestia, have you ever felt a disappointment so overwhelming? I felt like my heart had sunk deeper than the edges of hell itself. My own father, did not believe me.
“You have been fooled by humans,” my father stated. His voice was straight and unwavering. There was no change in tone, no change in anything. He just spoke what he believed with unwavering confidence. “What a disgrace that my son has fallen for the lies of a mortal man. You, should be ashamed of yourself.”
I had no words I could use to deter his anger. So instead I just spoke my mind. “I have not been fooled father. Just enlightened.”
“No brother you are just a fool,” added Sin. I gave him a nasty look, he merely grinned at me.
“So yes son, a few humans were kind to you. But what they did was no great feat. Yet you are acting like they had given up their world for you.”
“A poor family giving the last morsel of food to a weary traveler is not enough? A father risking imprisonment to feed his children is not kind enough?” I asked in mockery. My own rage had begun to kindle and alight.
“It is not enough.” My father said bleakly.
“Father you have not seen the things I have seen. Humans are ugly and horrible. But there are a few good ones. We must give up this operation for them.”
“We will not,” my father said. “You for once had a good idea. And now you want us to forego it?”
I bowed, my head touching the floor before rising again. “I had never had a good idea until now father. Please stop this operation.”
“Going hungry a few days or risking just prison is not special.” Sin said, I just looked at him unbelievingly. “You need something more to convince us.”
All eyes turned to Sin.
“Do you have an idea?” I asked.
“Yes,” Sin said, his smirk grew a little bigger.
“The by all means speak,” I said.
“Show us a human so selfless and strong.” He said. “That they would be willing to put their life down for someone else. That they would fight through hordes of monsters and beasts to save a person they love so much.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And how would this work?”
Sin grinned. “The person they love most dies. And you intrigue them with the opportunity that they can bring the person they love back to life. They will have to risk death through the underworld to make it to father’s palace.”
“You want them to walk through the underworld to father’s palace? And if they reach brother wins?” Asked Animus, speaking up for the first time.
“Of course not,” barked Sin. “There is more. The human would have to fight us.”
That got everyone’s attention.
“I’m sorry?” Asked Avaricous confused.
“They would have to prove their worth to me, and you two before reaching father. Show their dauntlessness and bravery through a fight. There is of course no way they could win, so when we believe that they are worth something, we let them pass. Of course brother can help by commanding them, but they need to be brave enough to allow a sword of a god to come down on them, and selfless enough to keep going to bring someone they love back. When they reach father, he will decide what to do.”
“So I lie to them and say we can raise their loved one back from the dead?” I asked incredulous.
“No,” said Sin. “I think we can perhaps… give an exception to the rule. We can, allow them to raise the dead just this one time… can we father?”
My father regarded Sin, his fingers played with his beard.
“Why can we not just lie to them?” Questioned Animus.
“Because brother over here is awful at keeping a farce.” Replied Sin, placing a hand on my shoulder.
I pursed my lips. “Where did you get that idea?”
“I simply know you brother,” said Sin.
“I fear you are wrong, I am excellent at keeping a farce.”
“The human will begin to question you. We can’t have their conviction waver. I am doing this for your sake.”
Sin’s voice turned cocky. I wanted to laugh at him. But before I could say anything, my father spoke up.
“Alright, just this once. I am curious to see where this would go.”
Surprised he had agreed so readily, I looked up at him. He was staring down at me with cold eyes.
“After all,” he continued. “He needs a human full of conviction to help relieve him of his punishment.”
“Punishment?” I asked my father. I had not known of any punishment.
If my heart had sunken below the depths of hell itself before, I don’t know where it lay sunken now.
As I do not know what lies lower than hell itself.
“For your foolishness in believing that man can be good, that are deserving of some kindness they have not given to us or each other. I banish you from the underworld. I strip you of any right to call yourself my son.”
“Father… rethink this,” Avaricious said, his eyes wide in disbelief.
“The only way to return back and reclaim your title…” my father pointedly ignored him. “Is by successfully completing Sin’s trial. But hear me just this once. If you fail to complete this task before 5 years are up. You forfeit any chance of reclaiming the throne you yearn so badly.”
“5 years is such a short time!” Animus yelled. “Why only 5 years?”
“5 years is the time it will take your brother’s proposal to be completely finished by Sin. Sin will return to the overworld to complete what he started. And you will return there until you complete your trial, if you do at all. Live amongst man and see how treacherous they are.”
There was nothing I could do to change his mind. So I sunk my head and accepted my fate.
“If it is as you wish.”
From the corner of my eye, I could see Sin holding a sick look of glee on his face.
That was the last thing I remember seeing of my father’s palace.
My father called Death to come and take me up. I listened to the cacophony of dissent of my two other brothers. None of their words swayed Sin or my father in the least.
I left the underworld. And so here I am now.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
As the god finished his tale, he looked away from Hestia. His eyes did not meet hers as she studied his expression.
He looked upset, somber even. He looked wistful as well. His eyes and his smile were soft. As if he were drowning in memories that were unpleasant, but he would still rather swim in their tides a little while longer.
She had no intention of distracting him from his thoughts, so she allowed herself to stay silent and let the information sink in.
It was him who broke their mutually agreed silence.
“Have you guessed it?” He asked. His face still held the same bittersweet expression. He still was not looking at her.
“Guessed what?” she asked, surprised he had spoken.
“My name. What is my name?”
The word fell out of her mouth quite easily. She had known for a while now.
“Yes.”
Between each word of his story, she had been able to piece together things one by one. The god’s reasons, his old thought process, and his change of character.
And while he spoke his story, a single thought had been born in her mind. A thought so funn, so ludicrous, and just plain out ironic that she couldn’t help but internally laugh at it.
The irony was there. And it was truly peculiarly laughable.
But as she went through all the options in her head, her mind kept coming back to this one possibility.
Selfishness of all men was something he had been disproven of. Selfishness is the want to get more than one deserves.
There was Avaricious for that.
Hate was often created from that greed. People who want more often dislike other who have what they want. Hate can stem from anything, even the small things.
There was Animus for that.
And finally there were people ready to commit atrocities such as starting fights, and hurting others to get what they wanted. Ready to do true evil for what they wanted.
But, while she had never met him even once in her life. She knew there was Sin for that.
So, she was back to that one possibility. That ironic laughable one. But that one possibility had lost its impossibility as she truly began to think about it.
She thought back to the people in his story. How he spoke of their hardships yet how they persevered in their own ways.
The father’s optimism as he fought for his kids. The jasmine woman’s and the baker’s kindness for others even as they starved themselves. And finally there were the starving kids finding joy in a game despite the harsh times.
And there was the god’s domain. The souls were so ragged, so depressed, so downtrodden. It was like their reasons for existing had been sucked clean from their hands.
They looked as if there was nothing left for them. Nothing good would ever come.
They would walk through the domain of the god without any hope for better times.
And so, her possibility turned from possibility to the honest truth.
“What do you think it is then Hestia?”
She did not speak just yet. The word in her mouth was… lackluster to say the least. Avaricious was Avaricious instead of Greed. Animus was Animus instead of Hate.
They had pretty names that commanded respect. The name in her head was not quite like that. And so her head spun, looking for alternate words. Synonyms. She looked from every edge of her mind for the proper word.
Until finally she had her word.
“Despair.” She said. “Your name is Despair.”
And upon hearing her answer, the god named Despair smiled.
<–The Reviver’s Passage: Chapter XVIII The Reviver’s Passage: Chapter XX–>
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